Sex is one of those things in life that once you start having (doing?) it is almost impossible to give up. Its like the forbidden fruit as in once you taste it, you want more. Sure there are ways engage in sexual activities without becoming a nymphomaniac. I bet it is universally agreed that sex plays a crucial role in the world whether its for procreation or simply for fun.
Most people appear to be dumbfounded once I reveal to them that its been more than a year since I had sex. They think its incomprehensible that a guy like me (whatever the hell that mean) hasn’t had sex in over year. As a young adult, they find it very unusual since my generation and culture are obsessed with sex Even my sister says I am becoming a virgin yet she also insists that I should save myself for marriage.
I had numerous opportunities to engage in sexual relations with other people over the summer but I refused. One person in particular really wanted to have sex with me so badly that he went through with my 5+ dates rule but I after I still said I wouldn’t have sex with him (which mind you he knew from the start), he stopped talking to me. Another one also wanted to engage in cybersex but I refused him as well. He jokingly once told me that I am a weird person for not wanting to have sex.
My current relationship with my father has been deteriorating for the past year and I refuse to be the person to initiate any reconciliation efforts. I will also not sit here and write bad things about my dad on this blog. I am also at fault for our tumultuous relationship. With that being said, my father and I were never really close like most sons have with their fathers. He was away during my formative years and I really didn’t get to interact with him till I reached my teenage years. There was a period in high school we were on the path to getting close but something happened when I was in college that altered that path. As I have mentioned in an old blog post in this website, I have always said I was born into the wrong family. While I love my sisters to death, I just have this feeling that I just don’t belong and I certainly don’t buy into the “blood is thicker than water” mantra.
Earlier this month, I celebrated my 24th birthday and it dawned on me that I’m one year away from my quarter life crisis. Can you imagine! I will start getting wrinkles soon. The horror!!!
Anyway, turning 24, I realised I have achieved many things in my life that some people haven’t had the chance to do. I am eternally grateful for all the people who have helped me reach this point. Not to blow my own horn but I have a Bachelor’s Degree and a Master’s Degree from two world renowned universities and have some of the most amazing friends a person could ask for. So what is next in my life? Well I have a new job and will be relocating to a new country later this year (more on that later). It appears my life is going on pretty well but I can’t help but feel that I’m missing something…
As I have mentioned throughout this blog, I have never been a victim blatant of racism.
That changed about two weeks ago and it happened three times.
The first incident happened in when I went to visit a friend of mine in Boston of all places. To put things into context, my friend did not inform her flatmate that I was going to be visiting and staying with her for a few days. My friend is Asian and her flatmate is white. So when her flatmate saw me (I was alone in the flat at the time), she was visibly shaken and she just happened to have a knife in her hand. The look in her eyes very much alarmed me. You could see the look of fear, disgust, horror in her face. I almost wish she called the cops rather than me having to stare at the mixture of emotions on her face. After I introduced myself, she asked where my friend was and I told her she was out. The flatmate quickly ran to her room and slammed the door shut.
I know I would be scared if I came home and a stranger was lounging in my flat. But I would have questioned them and have the cops on dial if I genuinely felt scared or threatened. I also know my friend was in the wrong for not informing her flatmate about my visit but the look on her face made me feel like an alien. It was as if I didn’t belong in her presence. It was a very unsettling feeling. When I informed my friend about my interaction with her flatmate, she apologised to me and went to talk to her flatmate. Later that day, we talked about how my race played a role in the flatmate’s response. Would she have had that look on her face if I was white or Asian?. I reckon we will never know but the expression on her face is forever burned in my head. I’ve never had someone look at me that. I’ve never felt less than human. If looks could kill…
“Do you even like Black guys?”
“Of course I do”
“Really, I always thought you don’t like black guys”
“Oh my goodness, like seriously”
“Yeah, I mean all the guys you’ve dated are white”
“That does not mean I don’t like Black guys and for your information I have hooked up with guys of almost every race except for Native Americans…I think”
“Wait. Wow so is it true about ummm what they say about Asian guys…like the size”
The aforementioned snippet is a conversation I had with my older sister when Michael Sam (the first openly gay man drafted to the NFL) kissed his boyfriend on national television. It was simply adorable. Everyone round me knows that I find interracial couples and relationships very fascinating. As a kid, I wanted to be part of an interracial family and used to envy my friends and relatives who had one parent of a different race.
While majority of people watching Michael Sam kiss his boyfriend on TV were nonchalant, others sighed as Michael Sam became just another Black athlete with a white significant other. It is also worth nothing that all three of the newly openly gay Black male athletes are in interracial relationships. What were the odds?!
Looking back on my dating life, my sister was right. I have only dated mostly white guys. Is it because I am stuck on the whole idea of interracial pairings that I refuse to date people of other races? Alternatively, when I see gay people of colour in relationships I get giddy because they are rarely shown in the media. I used to visit a tumblr blog solely dedicated to showing Black gay couples and queer couples of colour.
I have always said I will ever fall for a straight guy because nothing is worse in this world than unrequited love or affections. Don’t get me wrong I appreciate the sight of a handsome man regards of orientation but the attention stops there.
As an undergraduate, I had a crush on a professor who I thought was gay but turns out he was not. I recently got the opportunity to work with him on a project and now the crush is back. Having a crush (or whatever the feeling is…) at this stage in my life feels weird. I know he is married with children so nothing can and will ever happen. My sister always says I smile and I appear to be terribly excited every time I work with him.
Over the last few weeks, we’ve gotten to know each other and he teases me (granted he also teases everyone at work) quite a bit now and he even got me a cupcake for lunch. Everyone knows that cupcakes are the loves of my life. Nothing comes close to my love for cupcakes. Absolutely no one comes between me and my cupcakes…
One of best friends from high school often proclaimed that I was a very lucky person.
Her reasons were;
a) My family was/is relatively well off,
b) I got to attend a very prestigious school for my undergraduate studies,
c) I got the chance to study abroad (twice),
d) I got to travel and “see” the world from a young age, and
e) Everyone appears to love me
I often argued that I wasn’t lucky but I seized numerous opportunities that happened to cross my path. Yet she always insisted that I was one of the few lucky people she had met in her life. Usually I will argue with her by stating that I am pragmatic person but lately, I have accepted that fact that I am indeed a lucky (or perhaps a privileged) person in some aspects of my life.
It’s always fascinating to think that I always thought I will end up with a broken heart and be inconsolable. So imagine my surprise when I was the one who ended things with a someone who I could see myself having a great future with?
In one of my posts from the summer (see post), I wrote about how I had met the Banker and we were starting a relationship. Initially, things were going on well and we both couldn’t get enough of each other (sounds very clichéd). He was a very good cuddler and he had a knack to make me laugh uncontrollably. Funny thing is that I wasn’t in love with him but I could see my self falling for him as the days went by.
So what went wrong?
There is a saying that goes; “Blood is thicker than water”. This ancient proverb of German origins emphasises the strength and importance of family bonds. Arguably this is true for most people in the world but it never resonated with me. I have never fully believed in the strength of [my] family and I adore my friends more than my family. Will I pick my friends over my family? Probably. Funny thing is I don’t really miss my family (well maybe I just don’t miss my parents) when I travel but I miss my close friends all the time.
About two weeks ago, my flatmate’s parents came to visit her in London and I was very excited to meet them as I have spoken to them over Skype for several months and I finally got to meet them. When we arrived at Heathrow to pick them up, I was very envious of the relationship my flatmate had with her family. She has a close relationship with both her parents and older sister. They are a very close knit family even though it is filled with the usual family drama that plagues every family.
It’s always funny (perhaps mysterious) how life works. In my previous post, I wrote about how I needed some kind of distractions to take my mind off studying and I got what I asked for. I often tell my friends that they need to say positive things to nature and once they do, they can sit back and let nature do it’s thing so they can see whatever they said manifest. Maybe be its time for me to heed to my own advice. So I went on 3 dates since my last post…
As I have mentioned previously on this blog, I have a premium gaydar account and I tweaked my profile so reduce the amount of sex requests I get. Since doing that, I get messages from guys who claim its nice to come across a someone who’s profile is actually interesting. I received a message from a “faceless” profile and the person behind said profile unlocked his face picture after several conversations back and forth. He finally asked me out on date and I agreed figuring that whats there to loose, beside a get a free lunch and drink. We meet at a Cuban restaurant not far from my campus for the date and he said I was taller than I look in my pictures. As the date progressed, he told me he was a professor and I wondered if he was a professor from my school as his field was similar to what I’m studying. He saw the look on my face and laughed. He went on to inform me that he is a professor at a university some where far from London. He comes to London for consulting meetings as he is also an educational consultant. I had a pleasant time on the date and we walked around for a bit and he invited me over to his place and I happily said yes…