It has been about two weeks since I returned back to the United States from London and I still feel disoriented. The US feels peculiar and I’m still experiencing some sort of [reverse] culture shock.
I encountered this same feeling when I return to the US from Switzerland in 2011. Don’t get me wrong, it feels good to be back but can’t help thinking that I should have tried harder to get a job and remain in London. I blame the UKBA…
I was fortunate enough to get a temporary job at my alma mater before I returned back to the US thus I started work the first few days I got back. This interim job is to keep me employed till I find a “better” job. It is really difficult for me to accept the reality of being back in the US. The cold winter weather is not helping me acclimatise at all.
I miss London terribly. Take me back!
Being back, I have noticed that everyone appears to have their life sorted out while I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.
I don’t even know what career trajectory I want to focus on and my mum keeps mentioning the fact that I have a “Masters” degree and I need to get a high paying job. She is giving me grief for accepting my temporary job because it is not high paying enough and I deserve a higher wage.
While I have been looking at job postings, I have yet to find one that has the “wow” factor. I reckon I’m being picky (or lazy) and I really can’t afford to be picky given the nature of the volatile employment market.
My boss and co-workers tell me I’m a jack of all trades and that I am bound to find something. Well I hope said thing appears sooner rather than later. I know life is not a linear path but I wish I had some sort of concrete idea of what I want to do. I’m fairly optimistic that I will find another job soon as I have loans to start paying in April in addition to my credit card debts. Le sigh.
Besides trying to orient myself back into the American society, I have noticed that I have becoming increasing reclusive. I don’t want to meet new people and I usually just go home right after work. Granted I keep telling everyone I don’t want to hang around with undergraduates as I’m “old”.
Once I’m home I just watch random show on Netflix and talk to my close friends and do some light reading. I don’t know where or why this self isolating behaviour is coming from given the fact that I’m a reasonably sociable person.
I don’t know how to feel or what to do about this self realisation. I also don’t have the desire to make new friends. Arguably this behaviour can be both advantageous and destructive. I can’t possibly stay indoors all the time.
I am hoping it is just the month of January/winter weather having a weird effect on me.