On Being Back

It has been about two weeks since I returned back to the United States from London and I still feel disoriented. The US feels peculiar and I’m still experiencing some sort of [reverse] culture shock.

I encountered this same feeling when I return to the US from Switzerland in 2011. Don’t get me wrong, it feels good to be back but can’t help thinking that I should have tried harder to get a job and remain in London. I blame the UKBA…

I was fortunate enough to get a temporary job at my alma mater before I returned back to the US thus I started work the first few days I got back. This interim job is to keep me employed till I find a “better” job. It is really difficult for me to accept the reality of being back in the US. The cold winter weather is not helping me acclimatise at all.

I miss London terribly. Take me back!

Being back, I have noticed that everyone appears to have their life sorted out while I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.

I don’t even know what career trajectory I want to focus on and my mum keeps mentioning the fact that I have a “Masters” degree and I need to get a high paying job. She is giving me grief for accepting my temporary job because it is not high paying enough and I deserve a higher wage.

While I have been looking at job postings, I have yet to find one that has the “wow” factor. I reckon I’m being picky (or lazy) and I really can’t afford to be picky given the nature of the volatile employment market.

My boss and co-workers tell me I’m a jack of all trades and that I am bound to find something. Well I hope said thing appears sooner rather than later. I know life is not a linear path but I wish I had some sort of concrete idea of what I want to do. I’m fairly optimistic that I will find another job soon as I have loans to start paying in April in addition to my credit card debts. Le sigh.

Besides trying to orient myself back into the American society, I have noticed that I have becoming increasing reclusive. I don’t want to meet new people and I usually just go home right after work. Granted I keep telling everyone I don’t want to hang around with undergraduates as I’m “old”.

Once I’m home I just watch random show on Netflix and talk to my close friends and do some light reading. I don’t know where or why this self isolating behaviour is coming from given the fact that I’m a reasonably sociable person.

I don’t know how to feel or what to do about this self realisation. I also don’t have the desire to make new friends. Arguably this behaviour can be both advantageous and destructive. I can’t possibly stay indoors all the time.

I am hoping it is just the month of January/winter weather having a weird effect on me.


2 thoughts on “On Being Back

  1. Oh Kwamdeezy, it’s ok. I think it’s a natural part of growing up and coming back to a place where you once called home. You’re comfortable enough to not want to change – to add any more eggs in your basket, but you gotta realize you want some more of that good chicken breast. But in all seriousness, reaching out and meeting other grad students couldn’t hurt – and for all you know, they may hold the key to your next position. See where they’re looking for jobs or listen to what they’re looking into. It may just yet prove fruitful. Love you lots.

    • Thank you bestie. Advice duly noted and taken

      And love your use of eggs and chicken. I could use a nice tasty rotisserie chicken right about now 😀

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