Il est fini.
It’s finally over. I am officially done with my Master’s degree. I have been euphoric for the past week and it has been great. No more school for me for a long while. So what’s the plan now? Well I have no idea. I will be taking things one day at a time and hope for the best.
This summer has been a whirlwind of emotions. From happiness to anger and sadness to euphoria. It will probably go on down as one of the most memorable summer of my life. For those who read this blog, I apologise for the lack of updates. I have not abandoned this blog and now that I have some kind of free time, I will continue to update.
I turned 23 about a month ago (2 years away from a quarter life crisis…le sigh) and while I was excited, I began to wonder what I was doing with my life. Don’t get me wrong but I love my life but there is still some sort of emptiness. I look around and see friends from college who have began their careers with Fortune 500 firms, or started a Ph.D program. I am just gallivanting across Europe and blogging about relationships. I am still figuring out what I want to do but the grace period for the loans from my undergraduate years are coming to an end. Whats a young man to do? I know its not healthy to compare oneself to others but I can’t help it sometimes…
Things with the Polish guy came to an end (was there really anything to end?) a week after my birthday. I met someone new (aka the banker) on my birthday and he wanted to “formally” date me. After going on a couple of dates with the banker, I was torn simply because I thought I was cheating on the Polish guy. I also realised that I had developed quite the emotional attachment with the Polish guy and I was scared. After mulling over it and talking with my best friends about my predicament, they told me that I can’t expect to be dating two people at once especially since the banker wanted us to be boyfriends. My superficial side came to play as the Polish guy was more attractive than the banker but the banker was giving the attention I needed from the Polish guy. I figured if the Polish guy wants us to have something more then I will pick him as I have known him since April and just met the banker in August
I messaged the Polish guy and asked to talk to him over lunch. When we met, I asked him what he thought about us and he was a bit hesitant but then told me that he saw us as just friends as he was not ready for any relationship . I knew what he was going to say that (see this post for more info). He brought up the age gap and also a told me that the last time I spent the night at his flat, we didn’t have sex because he didn’t want me to get too attached as he wanted to figure what he wants. I took his response in silence and when it was my turn to speak, I just said its unfortunate that we couldn’t be anything more. I also said since I didn’t know if I will be staying in the UK after the end of my degree, it will be unfair to start anything. Also I don’t do long distance relationship. The lunch went on surprisingly well after our talk and we actually reminisced about the 4 months we spent together. We went to the park afterwards and walked around. At the end he said he was happy that we were able to discuss it as he was trying to avoid it.
About an hour after we said goodbye, he messaged me saying that he is willing to compromise with the age difference if I want to be in a relationship with him. He also suggested that we can become sex buddies until I leave. He even suggested that we may see each other in the U.S. in the not so distant future. I simply told him that was a kind gesture but he made me realise that I want to be in a relationship with someone but that person is not him. This is quite true as he actually made me become emotional vulnerable which is a good thing as I don’t usually open up to people who are not my good friends. So just like that the Polish guy and I are no longer “seeing” each other anymore.
Things with the banker are moving pretty fast and we are officially “boyfriends”. He’s the kind of man you can see yourself settling down with. He’s a few years older than the Polish guy and we’ve already discussed having children. I only wish he wasn’t too busy with work and I got to see him more than 3 times a week. I haven’t seen him since 30 August as he’s in Russia on a job assignment. We have only been talking on the phone and messaging each other. Hoping he comes back soon!