After my long rant about being sexualised (see previous post), I decided to tweak my gaydar profile a tiny bit and see what happens. The change in question was to include my “sexual position”. I decided to indicate “bottom” (and no I am not a bottom…or am I?) as my sexual position and boy has that altered the course of my gaydar journey. Firstly, the amount of arse pictures and unsolicited “hey you wanna fuck messages” has drastically dropped. I haven’t received one in 2 weeks. Secondly my profile view has dipped quite low. I used to get over 30 views per day but now its more like 3 views on a good day. I reckon its good since it weeds out all the bad ones. Thirdly, I recently got this message from a faceless profile “Your a fucking dull boring blk idiot”. I didn’t even have to respond as the person blocked me. People are very weird these days…
Besides my gaydar “adventures” nothing much is happening. Classes just ended for me so I’m mostly resting and will begin to study for my finals and begin writing my dissertation. Hope my life stays this calm for a while.
Lately, I have been doing loads of thinking about the role of my skin complexion (notice I didn’t use “race” here…) and how it shapes people’s perception of me. I never really took the racial discourse that has plagued America very seriously. While people often times have countless stories of having experienced racism, I almost have none and couldn’t be bothered about racial politics. I grew up in a very “colour blind” household and my parents never once mentioned that my skin complexion will hold me back. Going to university certainly opened by eyes to the widespread nature of institutional racism in the United States but I figured I will probably wont be living in the United States so I could be bothered with it. In college I came across the seminal work of Frantz Fanon titled “Black Skin White Masks”. In the book he asserts that the color of his skin shapes the white perception of him and thus the white man does not “see” him since the white man only sees his body and the color of his skin. He posits that such intra-racial encounter between whites and blacks is enslavement upon sight. Arguably he believes that the body of both black females and males plays a crucial role in the formation and development of their racial consciousness. So why am I discussing racial politics if I couldn’t be bothered?