If That’s What It Takes

After my quasi lengthy post last week, I had a conversation with the Italian and expressed my concerns. He was very patient with me and gave me time to make a decision. He even agreed that we can be friends with benefits if I don’t to date him. He left for Amsterdam on Tuesday 23 October to celebrate his 33rd birthday which was on Sunday 21st October. We still talk and he has been quite honest with me. For instance on Friday, he told me that he hooked up with a guy because he was feeling lonely in his hotel room. At first I wondered why he was telling me this and then I realised that this man really likes me because if he were any other person, he would not have informed me at all. I did not feel any tinge of jealousy or hurt. I just wasn’t bothered at all. Like they say, can’t lose what you never had. (bad analogy here but you catch my drift) Honestly I don’t blame him as I have not given him any concrete response as to whether I want to date him. Also people have needs and those needs must be satisfied. I found his honesty to be quite attractive so I have decided to date him and see where it leads. It will be a belated birthday gift from me.

Now the big question is that am I ready to unlock the gates to my heart for another person? As I have reiterated over and over again I am so freaking scared. Don’t know what to expect and I hate that feeling of uncertainty…

Anyway I heard back from the Irish fellow and I told him that we should forget the date as we could never reach a time and day for our “date”. He was actually quite sad but I really don’t want to waste his time.

Speaking of time wasting, there is a Danish guy in my class who always asks me to go get drinks with him after class on Fridays. He invites the whole class but he usually invites me first. When I first met him during orientation, I got a very “bicurious” feeling from him but he allegedly likes girls only so I just shot it down. He sits next to me in class and he always buys me extra drinks at the pub. He doesn’t buy the girls who go out with us any drinks. On Wednesday during lunch he made a joke about me having a large “package”. Also on Friday when we were at the pub, all the straight boys were asking which countries had the hottest girls and he remained relatively silent on that particular topic. It was awkward enough for me (#gayboyproblems) but it was interesting to see him say nothing. Boy needs to make a move and stop using covert signals. I don’t want to ask him because it could just be weird and I may stop receiving free drinks from him. No way!!

But then again he smokes – major turn off for me – but he could be like a side dish I can have once in a while. Don’t judge!


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