Imagine my surprise when I received a text messeage from my
Spanish lover Italian (turns out he’s Italian/Brasilian my bad ooops and I will keep refering to him as “the Italian” henceforth) hook up buddy on saturday morning stating;
“Sorry babe, I have been so busy and forgot to message you. What are you doing tonight? Do you want to stay over? I honestly really like you”…
I didn’t know how to respond to his message. I just sat there staring at my phone (I got a smart phone after two days of living with a dumbphone. I tried. #firstworldproblems) and wondered, if we have only hooked up once, why is he calling me “babe”. I also began to think back to the day we hooked up. It was one one the best I have had in a while. I reckon we both needed it really badly. I just assumed it was going to be a one time thing with no strings attached. Guess I was wrong. I kept thinking, do I want to see him again? As I was trying to figure out a response to the text, he called me and said he had found a flat he thinks I will like so we should meet up and go to the viewing. I went to meet him at his flat and we walked over to the flat he was going to show me. The flat (its a studio flat) and location was perfect. It’s one block away from central London and it perfect for walking (which I love). The neighbourhood is also very gorgeous. Apparently its a very “posh” area. The price would have been perfect if it included internet and electricity. While the flat is quite expensive , the price is within my budget so I need to make a decision soon. The Italian said its expensive and I should move in with him…
Ummm. Wait a minute what?? I can’t just move in you him. What am I a U-haul lesbian?? But seriously he completely caught me of guard with his statement. First of all, his flat is very nice and I can save loads of money by staying with him (yey for not rent but as I have repeatedly learned, there is no such thing as free lunch). Secondly, I have only known him for a week and we just shagged. I am not going to move in with him right away. Thirdly what if he’s monster and he does something terrible to me while I sleep (I’m not kidding).
So after the flat viewing and his “proposal”, the Italian asked me to spend the day with him and I did. The day was very good and I ended up spending the night over at his flat (he didn’t kill me so my third concern has been alleviated…). It made me realise how someone can connect with another person on a non sexual level. According to the Italian, he does not open up quite easily open up to others and but with me it felt natural. Of course I still have my walls up and don’t open up quite easily. Also the way he stares at me every time we make out, its like I’m the only person in the world. I can’t help think he does that to all his other hook up buddies (he’s told me his life story and he’s had quite a lot of them) but he insists he really like me. Maybe its just his masterful seductive technique. We will see about that.
We settled into a domestic bliss and surprisingly, I enjoyed it a lot (I have always said I will make a good house-husband). I can definitely see myself enjoying domestic duties (while working of course. That expensive degree(s) needs to be used). We made sushi for lunch and he made me a three course dinner. Word of the street is that, “the way to a man’s heart is his stomach” and boy is that true. The meal was delicious. After dinner we watched the X Factor while snuggling/cuddling on his couch. It felt so comfortable. Generally I don’t cuddle with people save for best friends or someone who I really like. With the Italian, I just let loose and enjoyed it. It was a great day/night.
A huge part of me wants to like the Italian but with me being me, I am extremely hesitant. Perhaps I am just protecting myself. First, there is the age thing. He’s only 10 years older than me and he said when he was my again he was having a very active sex thus he does not to be the one to stop me from enjoying my youth. Secondly, I have only seen the “good” parts of him. I want to see the bad parts so I can gauge my reaction. Thirdly, from our conversations, he does not believe in sexual monogamy. It was an interesting topic of discussion to say the least. He does believe in emotional monogamy. He just wants to have the ability to have sex with other people. So essentially he believes in open relationships. I have always stood by the mantra that one can have emotionless sex (i.e. sex can be just sex without things getting in the way). I’ve been there done that and so forth. But if a person is in a relationship, having sex outside just breeds trouble as most people get very attached to sex. It’s just one big clusterfuckery waiting to happen. Sure there are open relationships that work for some people but I don’t know if it will work for me. He did say he will change for the right person (don’t know why he said this to me) but I don’t want anyone to change for me. I have seen my mother change her “ways” for my father and that clearly did not end well. Fourthly, he’s very wealthy. He works for a very prestigious art firm. On one hand, he can be my sugar daddy and pay for things. Goodness knows my lifestyle is very expensive. On the other hand I don’t want him to feel as if he owns me by buying things for me. For dinner, we split the grocery bill into two so I could pay my share.
The Italian wants us to start dating (he’s been calling me babes ever since that text) and wants to do it at my own pace. I suggested we could be friends with benefits but he says I’m too “precious” to let go. Right now I’m torn. I was not actively looking and someone crossed my path who enjoys my company and feels “natural” with me. So why am I not liking the Italian? I’m way too fucking scared for this shit.