Work, Flat hunting and Dating Profiles

Just realised I haven’t posted in over 2 weeks. Why, one might ask? The truth is I’ve been turned into a workaholic. With my departure to London around the corner, my boss has been making me work for long hours in order to utilise my skills and labour. Since the 24th of August, I have been working 12 hours everyday save for sundays. I’m usually tired when I get home and promptly fall asleep. I used to criticise my mum for sleeping all the time when she has the day off (she usually works 16 hour shifts) but now I know why she does it. Every chance I get, I just want to lay in bed and sleep! Due to my workaholic nature, my life has become pretty boring. But then again when was my life remotely fascinating?

Speaking of London, I have yet to find a place to stay for the school year. I will be staying with relatives for a while (or with my sister’s ex…) for a while. I am trying to avoid scams by rushing to sign a lease yet the longer I wait the chances of me living in the neighbourhood I want becomes abysmal. I have been in contact with fellow graduate students and some of us will go flat hunting once we all arrive in London.

Recently, I informed my best friends that I was going to enter the world of dating. They were so ecstatic and even volunteered to set up an online dating profile for me but I told them I will not use online dating sites for my dating rendezvous. I will be lying if I said I have not used dating sites to find potential hookup buddies. I mean who hasn’t tried having an online profile before?. I used to be terribly addicted to how many “profile” views I would get and it gave me some kind of external validation. I am so glad I realised this early on before it permanently damaged my psyche.

I feel as though the gay dating sites are designed to reduce its users to a bunch of statistics. It gives this assumption that nobody will like (and potentially love) you for yourself, if you’re not offering yourself as just a bunch of statistics.

The internet has led to some sort of neurological fascination with statistics for many gay men. Our entire identity seems to revolve around offering our body statistics, offering nude pictures and checking off ticked boxes. I mean who needs Mr. Right when you can have Mr. Right Now.

While some people try to be “honest” (using this term very loosely) with their profiles, I have noticed that online profiles are artificially constructed identities. People place their best “features” forward, choosing their images carefully (with fakes), second guessing the words they write in the hopes of creating this perfect (?) person.

I can’t even properly sell myself on paper. I have the worse cover letters in the history of cover letters. So describing myself into a textbox on an online profile is quite a challenge and I also don’t like sharing my personal pictures on dating sites. I had someone impersonate me on Adam4Adam (well they used my pictures) and I had to inform the website admins to delete the profile otherwise I was going to take legal action.

This is not to say that online dating in the gay world has not produced great results for some people. I know of a couple who met on craigslist of all places and they are still together till this day (only their close friends know how they truly met). I’ve even made some virtual friends through my online profile and we still communicate via emails.

I was rewatching Downton Abbey (for about the 10th time) with my best friend and I was lamenting on the fact that chivalry is dead and the fact that dating rituals seem to have disappeared. Suitors today ask for “nude pics” and your “stats”. If you don’t offer any of these, they will move on to the next person who can offer it.

I want to go on a proper dating/courtship experience (yes I know its very hetero-normative) rather than just base my identity or meet suitors via a series of numbers and check boxes. I want to meet someone face to face, go for a stroll in the park, talk about Marx, watch the Daily Show and Colbert Report together, discuss world news and create great dishes. Even with my stone cold nature, I am still very deeply romantic. I guess its just a dream/fantasy…Le Sigh

Ironically, my Okcupid profile is still up. I am debating if I should delete it or change my location to London.

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5 thoughts on “Work, Flat hunting and Dating Profiles

  1. Since I know you’ve read my blog, I’ll just say, “Oh, girl, you know I been there.”

    On the other hand. I have learned a few important lessons.

    #1) Match.com is a waste of money. Don’t use it.

    #2) Sanitizing your profile in order to get more conversations going backfires. I did this in aid of trying to salvage my profile on Match.com, and I am now such a completely uninteresting individual in my profile that when my real personality comes out in subsequent messages I scare people off.

    I mean, I’m funny and snarky and slightly absurdist, but there’s definitely no place in the profile to display that on Match. Everyone sounds like Sandra Bullock in that movie: “I’d like tougher penalties for parole violators … and, um, world peace … ”

    (Also … well, you can get a little more personal on OKCupid regarding, um, sexual preferences. These can be relatively important for the gays.)

    Truth be told, what you just wrote sounds great to me for your profile (walk in the park, discussing Marx … specify that you mean Karl and not Richard … etc.). I’d respond to it.

    As for reactivating your OKCupid profile and setting your city to London, what do you have to lose? Some nice bloke may offer to show you around and you’ll find one of his friends interesting. You never know til you try 😉

    • As always you provide the best responses 🙂

      1) I have no intension of using Match.com. The only time I paid for a dating service was when I forgot to cancel my subscription at the end of my free trial

      2) According to my friends, my profile description on OkCupid is very “interesting” and I don’t think they meant it in a positive way. Quite frankly my profile is very boring…I think

      3) Yes I meant Karl Marx. Isn’t Richard Marx a famous musician from the 1980’s?

      I will change the location to London on my OkCupid profile and see what happens. My friends in the UK claim gaydar.co.uk will be a better option since it has alot more users than OkCupid but I refuse to set up a dating profile so we will see where this leads..

      • Claiming Richard Marx was “famous” is questionable, but I’ve discovered that when there is even the remotest possibility that someone will misinterpret something like that, it will be on a personals site.

        Also, having someone else help out with your profile isn’t the worst thing. My straight doppelganger (who looks nothing like me) has me edit his on a weekly basis. It doesn’t need editing, but he’s completely neurotic. Anyway, this is all to say that if people who know you take issue with it, make ’em write it for you. That’ll teach them!

  2. So well written love it bestie! And don’t worry we’ll both hold out until Mr. Correct finds his way to us, or until we can garner the courage to pursue him on his trail

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