Over the weekend, I began to move out of my apartment as the lease on my apartment has run its course. I can’t say this enough but I really hate packing/moving. For my next apartment/home, I am going to find a furnished unit so when I move in I will just bring my suitcase and when I leave, I will leave with it instead of 658709670768 other things. I mean what’s the purpose of buying loads of things (especially for college students) when you move in and having to dump majority of it when you are moving out? Doesn’t make sense to me. Anyway, I am living with my sister temporarily as I figure out my life…
Enough about me whining about moving. Growing up, I had a very complicated relationship with religion (particularly christianity) and God. My parents are not staunch christians (my dad goes to church once a year and my mum goes when she doesn’t have work) yet they wanted their kids to be raised as christians. I was forced by my parents to go to church every sunday and I hated every second of it. Before I accepted the fact that I was gay, I used to pray heavily to God to make me normal and make my attraction to boys go away. At church, we are usually told that if you had any problem, pray to God and he will answer them.
I got involved in my local church hoping God will change me so I can be like everyone else. When my attraction to boys did not disappear and my suicidal tendencies kicked in, I figured God must hate me and viewed me as some sort of aberration. After overcoming the dark moments in my life, I gave up on church and even told my mum I was no longer a christian. She almost smacked me on the head after my proclamation. This does not mean that I don’t believe in God, because I do. There are somethings in lie that simply cannot be answered by science no matter how hard it tries.
Recently, I had an encounter with a former co-worker that made me think of my relationship with God. Lately, I have been feeling stressed over my inability to get loans to finance my graduate education in Berlin. (Click here for full story). Last week I paid a visit to my former workplace and one of my co-workers over heard my stress/complains about my sad life. She came up to me after my little spiel and asked if I wanted to pray about my situation. I said yes and we had a little prayer session.
The following day, I received a letter from the graduate school in Berlin offering me the option to defer my acceptance until next year…hmmm Yesterday, after I came back from my lunch break, I received an unconditional acceptance from a prestigious school in London to start graduate school there this fall. This school was one of my first choice school that was taking a unbearably long time to tell me if I was accepted or not.
In my head I was thinking did the prayer bring forth all this good news? Maybe its time I began to pray again when I am feeling overwhelmed with life or just to say “Thank You”
Speaking of London, I was supposed to be there for the opening ceremony of the Olympics but I couldn’t go since I had to work here in the U.S. Thank goodness I didn’t have to watch NBC’s horrid coverage of the opening ceremony. I have a VPN so I was able to watch it live on BBC before it was “edited” for American audiences. Going back to London will feel like going back home again as I spent portions of my childhood growing up there. London is one of my favourite cities in the world. Last year when I was studying abroad in Switzerland, I went o London every other week. I’m sure the UKBA was keeping a very close eye on me.
I’ve had this song stuck in my head all week and since I had a post about prayer, it seemed fitting. Also I love Céline Dion to death and Andrea Bocelli is simply amazing.