Can two attractive people be friends without the awkward sexual tension? I once had an argument with my sister about the aforementioned question. The argument arose when she asked me if I had hooked up with my second year roommate and I said no. Her response was
“you are lying!”
“How can two attractive gay men not hook up if they are sleeping in the same room together”.
I told her no and we went on to argue as to whether two attractive people, (both gay and straight) can be the best of friends without sex ruining the friendship. I believe that it is very possible. My roommate during my second year is one of my best friends. We meet in our first year writing seminar during the fall semester of 2008 (our freshman year) and became instantly drawn to each other. For some reason, we were just comfortable around each other and I reckon that eliminated what ever sexual tension that was bound to happen. We decided to room together our second year and we had a blast. People around us thought we were actually dating for a while and we had to clarify their false assumptions and say we were just friends.
One of our mutual friends even suggested that we date since were were both single. We still call each other roomies although we haven’t lived together since the end of our second year (I studied abroad during my third year and my senior year I lived with another friend as I forgot to sign a lease before I left).
So this beg the question, will I have ever dated him? Honestly I dont know. Maybe if we had met under different circumstances and weren’t best friends.
Do I find him attractive? of course I do.
Will I ever hook up with him? No way in hell.
Why? because he’s become like a brother/twin and also I have never had any sexual fantasies about him and doubt I ever will. It will just be awkward….
He knows this and feels the same way too.
I also believe two attractive people of different sexes can be friends but all my straight friends say it is false. They argue that there will always be that sexual tension hanging in the air and always ends up destroying friendships. They assert that, one of them has to either be gay or not good looking for the friendship to work (seriously?). I happen to disagree based on some observations I have made. I think attractive males and females can be the very best of friends. It is rather, external forces (peer pressure) that corrupt the minds of each person.
- Female friend has a male best friend and they are very close. They were there for each other in high and low times
- Elephant in the room (i.e. exual attraction) is not addressed as they were so comfortable around each other
- Female friend meets and hangs out with some of the male friends of her [male] best friend
- Male friends tell their buddy they cannot believe he’s only best friend with a hot girl. They begin to give him a hard time for not “tapping” it and allowing other guys to “tap it”
- Male friend begins to act weird (develop feelings??) around female best friend.
- They have a discussion about this strange behaviour and male friend admits he is in love with her and wants to have a relationship…
- Female says he’s like a brother to her and it will be just be awkward.
- Male gets angry and starts a diatriabe about how he’s always been there for her and so on
- Friendship gets broken up and both party avoid each other.
I have noticed this scenario among friends for quite sometime and I firmly believe outside pressure place a crucial role in the destruction of such friendships. Sure, not addresiing the elephant in the room is not good sign but I honestly think the sexual attraction will slowly fade away and be replaced with a more caring/altuistic feeling. There is certainly nothing wrong with great friendships progressing into realtionships but how long/often do those last?